Friday, May 21, 2004

Tribute Band "Dixie Chicks With Dicks" Met With Jeers, Tears

Provo, UT - In what local promoters are labelling a "communication breakdown", Hollywood-area Tribute Band "Dixie Chicks With Dicks" played a 7-minute show at the Kiwanis Club in Provo, Utah last Saturday evening.

At 8:15 pm, the 3-piece band took the stage - a makeshift wooden platform placed on top of the club's stacked up milk crates. As they launched full-throttle into the Dixie Chicks' 2002 hit "Travelin' Soldier", the audience roared its approval. By 8:20, however, a general sense of confusion overtook the audience as they heard lead singer Tom "Emily" Schatz say "thanks for comin' Provo!" in a distinctly baritone, un-"Chick"-like tone of voice.


A recent picture of the band in happier times

Closer inspection revealed plenty: three days' worth of chin stubble on all three band members, obviously dark brown roots revealing a crappy blonde dye job on the third "chick", and a mysterious bulge in the tall one's pants. According to eyewitnesses, by 8:22 the mood had soured: those who were not crying uncontrollably were yelling at the band to "leave the darn stage." To its credit, the band honored those requests, leaving immediately.

"In retrospect," said Schatz, "we probably should have avoided Kiwanis Clubs and the state of Utah in general. It just seemed so convenient to stop there on the way to Vegas."

Promoters vowed to recoup the $96 they had wired the tribute band's manager three hours before the show.

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