New Combover Technique To Inspire Nation's Bald

As the backhanded compliment to bald men everywhere goes, 'grass never grows on a busy street.' But, let's face it, once in a while, you'll get a little grass growing on the sidewalks. Right?

With that simple realization, resourceful cueballs across America saw their opportunity. Cunningly, many took that grass growing on their left "sidewalk" and combed it over to the sidewalk across the street. Busy streets, be damned! And let's face it, the deception worked; those with an uncritical eye were totally fooled. If you heard it once, you heard it a thousand times: How was she supposed to know baldie had a chrome-dome?


The old technique, once
considered "foolproof"

Once the "comb-over" was invented, at first it was lights out and thank you ma'am for the bald set. Whether you were Joe Q. Public, or Mayor Giuliani, the combover enabled the bald to keep membership in Club Fabio. Statistics showed almost no disparity in sexual activity, salary, or even friends, between the hairless and the hirsute. Unfair, some said.

Then it all came crashing down.

In a shocking expose first revealed on Dateline NBC in 1997, some bald 'turncoats' revealed their secret. They were giving the illusion of a full head of hair by growing a patch of very long hair above one ear and combing it over the top of the head. The nation audibly gasped. To be bald in '97, well, you might as well have been dead.

And dead to the dating scene they were, until now. Get ready for the bald man's new best friend: the Geezer Caesar.

To review: a normal Caesar haircut is when the hair is trimmed and combed forward in a neat, clean manner. The Geezer Caesar, on the other hand, is accomplished by letting the back-of-the-head hair grow to an appropriate length, and combing it forward, in some cases as far as the eyebrows. With the right touch, the right hair gel, and avoidance of a stiff breeze, the new hairstyle is virtually undetectable.

Many experts see a triple threat taking over the nation: baby boomers, Viagra, and the new Geezer Caesar. Women, at first glance, are universally appalled. Cologne sales are up, as are gold chains and blazer/t-shirt duos.